


All it takes is a Little Love

by SoftNFluff



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Age regression/de-ageing, Angst, Bathing, Caregiver Hank, Careguver Connor, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fake Dating, Fluff, Gen, Little Gavin, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Trans Gavin Reed, Wetting, changing, poor Gavin gets naked tho, relationship angst, stuffed animals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-02-09 13:49:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18639352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftNFluff/pseuds/SoftNFluff
Summary: Gavin Reed used to be Hank’s little. They did everything together, until the car crash that ripped them apart. Now with Gavin having an accident at work, and Connor stepping up to care for him, maybe he can get back something close to what he lost.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ListeningBoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ListeningBoy/gifts).



> This is my first posted age regression fic for this fandom, so please tell me what you think in the comments! Also I take requests, so feel free to leave them there

It was days like these that made Gavin long for Hank. Before, with the promise of warm, strong arms to welcome him home at the end of each trying shift, and the promise of soft words crooning into his ear as he was bathed or rocked or held, was the only thing that could get him through the day. 

They had been “together” for two years before the crash. It had started with a date, an awkward outing with Gavin in a too-big jacket trying to impress the older man, the man he had looked up to for the past year. They’d gotten drinks at a seedy bar, and Hank had taken him back to his house (Cole was staying with his mother that night). 

It wasn’t good, by any means: it was on par with the times Gavin had spent in college, bent over the beds of men who would go back to calling themselves straight the next day. But after, when Hank held him in his arms, breath fanning out over his face in the softest of rhythms as his strong arms cradled Gavin to his chest like the most precious of beings, Gavin knew he could have spent forever like that. 

They didn’t fuck after that night, with the few dates afterward ending in Gavin cuddled against Hank’s chest, listening to the man breathe as something played on his TV. Hank was the one to bring up age regression. Because Gavin kept coming to him so stressed, and Hank did only have Cole on weekends, and he longed for someone to care for during the week. And Gavin, who had never had a boyhood, had agreed with only a little pleading. 

The next year had been the best year of Gavin’s life. Every day was a day spent with Hank. Hank let him color, cooked him meals, even took him on outings with Cole, as Cole’s “big brother”. Until the crash ripped it all apart. 

Gavin hadn’t bothered Hank for the first few days. Hank, for all of the love he showed Gavin, was still gruff and closed off, and Gavin figured he needed space to process the loss of his real child. If Hank wanted him, he would tell him. But the days turned to months, and the months turned to years. And Gavin knew that Hank had moved on without him. 

And now, curled up in the corner of a stall, Gavin regretted that more than ever. His morning had started off shitty, his phone dying before it could wake him up, and Fowler yelled at him for ten minutes for his “repeated pattern of tardiness”. Which lead to Gavin not making it to the bathroom on time (he skipped it to even get into work in the first place) , and the large, smelly stain all down of the front of his jeans. 

He hadn’t even bothered taking them off, just sitting in a heap on the floor of the stall and bawling into the cuffs of his leather jacket. It wasn’t like anyone would hear him in there, or care, and if Gavin couldn’t have Daddy then he could at least cry in peace. Maybe his stuffed animal would have made it better. Hank had given it to him, given him the big black lab puppy named Princess. She was supposed to keep him safe and be his friend when Hank couldn’t, but right now she was stuffed at the bottom of his desk drawer, much too far away for him to get. At least nothing new would bother him. 

At least, he thought that. But the dumb voice that called out “Detective Reed! Are you in here?” Had other ideas. 

Gavin didn’t answer, just pulling his legs closer to himself as if it would hide him better. The dumb android knew enough from his sensors that Gavin was in the stall. 

“Reed? Are you crying?”

Gavin hiccuped, wiping at his face. “Fuck off!” The words felt strange and foreign and Big in his mouth as he spat them out, but he couldn’t help it. The response came so naturally to him, even as he continued to slip into littlespace. 

“You’re distressed. I’m coming in.” 

Before Gavin could think of anything to get him to stop, anything that would slow the dumb android lumbering toward him, the android was in front of his stall. 

“Can you open the door for me, Gavin?” The softness in Connor’s voice made him shiver. 

“M not wearin pants…” 

“You’re sitting on the ground. I clearly see your pants on your person.” A long sigh left Connor, and Gavin heard him slump against the door. “Please just let me in so I can help you.” 

It took what felt like forever for Gavin to fumble open the latch. His hands were muffled and leaded, and tears beaded over his eyes and blurred his vision. As soon as the lock gave way, he slumped back onto the floor, face in his legs. 

“Gavin…” Connor tutted, voice so soothing that it made him slip even further. “What happened?”

“Dunno.”

“You don’t know?”

“... Peed myself.” He grumbled, shifting in his jacket. He hoped he sounded like his big boy self, his self that could keep Connor and everyone else far far away from him. Most of all, he hoped Connor didn’t notice he had slipped so far. The last thing he wanted was to explain himself. 

“Why? I mean, how? Do you have bladder issues?”

Gavin shook his head no hard. The urine felt so icky, and his legs were starting to chafe. 

“Ok, ok. Do you… need help getting changed?”

Gavin nodded yes, peeking up to stare at Connor. Big brown eyes stared down at him, somehow filled with the same concern held by bright blue ones so long ago. Gavin wanted to look away. 

“Can you stand up? Or did you hurt yourself?”

Gavin raised his hand to be tugged upright. It seemed to take Connor a moment, led swirling yellow for a second before he pulled Gavin up. “Thanks.” Gavin mumbled, shuffling his feet on the floor. 

“Do you need help getting your pants off? And do you have a spare, or should I get one for you?” 

“Need help.” He didn’t have more pants, least he didn’t think he did, and the longer the icky wetness clung to his legs the more he wanted it gone. 

Connor nodded, and as he started to gently pull down Gavin’s pants for him, Gavin got the distinct feeling that he had something to tell Connor. It was only when Connor let out a slight cough, cheeks heated up blue as he tried not to stare at Gavin’s crotch, that Gavin remembered. 

“I, I didn’t know you were, transgender-“

“I’m a boy!” Gavin huffed, somehow finding the coordination to step out of his pants. 

“Of course! I wasn’t implying otherwise-“

“Can you get me my puppy too?”

“Your puppy?”

“When you get me my pants. Her name is princess and she lives in my desk and- and-“ the tears were coming back, turning Gavin’s words into chokes, and he just wanted to be alone and home with Princess snuggled somewhere safe and dry and warm without big stupid Connor gawking at him. 

“Of course I can get her for you, Gavin.” Somehow, Connor was back at his full height, and he didn’t hesitate to squeeze Gavin into a hug. “Can you just clean yourself up for me while I’m gone, sweetie?”

Gavin nodded, even though it seemed hard. By the time he had managed to dry himself off, only whining a little at how sticky he still felt, Connor was back. Princess was securely in his arms, and so were a pair of too-big grey pants. 

Princess was pressed into his arms as Connor wordlessly helped him into the pants, and Gavin buried his face into her fur. She smelled nice, like the freshly washed clothes and Daddy’s cologne that Gavin still bought just so he could have things that smelled like him, and something else, something soft and clean that he guessed was left over from Connor carrying her. To Gavin’s surprise, he didn’t mind it.

“You really like your puppy, huh honey?” Connor’s voice was like a coo, almost like the one Daddy used, and Gavin nodded happily. 

“Uh huh! She makes me feel all warm n safe!”

“That’s great, Gavin. Now, do you think you can take my hand?”

“Why?” 

“Well, you need to get home, don’t you?” 

Connor’s hand was big and warm in his, and Gavin didn’t mind that the people they passed looked at him funny, because Connor always smiled back at him with his big brown eyes when they made him uncomfy. He didn’t even mind having to sit still in the car as Connor buckled him in when all he wanted was to squirm around. 

The car wasn’t all bad, either; Connor played a little song for him about a puppy and a kitty until Gavin’s eyes were all droopy and the road in front of him blurred into nothing, and the feeling of tears was only a memory. 

————————————————

Connor pulled into the driveway of Gavin Reed’s address, eyes squinting when they alighted on the abode. It was small, and almost cute on the outside, with little white shutters and a garden with flowers and catnip sprouting out of it. It was all so strange, a foreign image to what Gavin Reed had presented him with beforehand. 

But more pressingly was Gavin himself, currently napping against his shoulder, fingers still tangled in the black fur of his stuffed animal. 

Connor had never seen anything like it. Like what had happened to Gavin. It was sudden, almost terrifying, how much the gruff detective had changed into a small, vulnerable child. The only explanation Connor had garnered from the quick search he had performed was age regression. 

Connor was only familiar with said idea in passing, from the one time he had snooped on Hank’s computer. But the concept still felt so strange when applied to Gavin. He was so distant, so gruff, so nasty. So unlike the sweet, sad little boy that Connor had helped in the restroom. 

As Connor looked back at Gavin, watching his chest rise and fall as his face, almost cherubic, held a smile, he decided that maybe Gavin needed it. Needed the small moments of peace that it brought him. He had such a beautiful smile now. 

Gently, Connor nudged Gavin. Gavin jumped in his seat, eyes darting around before locking on Connor, the peace from earlier all drained away. 

“Aren’t you going to invite me inside?” Connor said simply, patting Gavin’s leg. 

“The fuck do you-“

“I would like to talk, alright?” Connor didn’t know why the words came out, too fast for his brain to form options. He just knew they felt right. 

“Fine.” 

Connor half expected Gavin to leave him waiting in the car, but he wasn’t disappointed when the detective begrudgingly ushered him inside. 

“Don’t fuck my shit up, ok? And… take your shoes off.” Gavin motioned to a little welcome mat with a cat paw on it, and Connor obediently wiped his shoes on it before removing them. Gavin’s words lacked their usual vitriol, and even with his swears he was almost pleasant. What normally read as rage now read as the huffiness of a small child, and Connor couldn’t help the upturn of his lips at the thought. 

Gavin slumped onto a little green couch, and despite the armchair across from it, Connor sat besides him. Gavin played with his fingers instead of looking at Connor, grunting something to himself that Connor decided wasn’t worth bothering Gavin about. 

“Would you like to tell me about today? Or would you prefer I offer my own conjectures.”

Gavin remained silent. 

“Alright. I assume you were regressed? Is this a normal occurrence for you, or-“

The line of Gavin’s back hardened. “M not a fuckin baby.”

“What did you say?” He must have struck a chord. He resisted the urge to squeeze Gavin’s hand. 

“Said I’m not a fucking. Baby.”

“I never said you were. Just that you were regressed. Now, am I correct in this conjecture?” In a fit of courage, Connor placed two fingers under Gavin’s chin, tilting it up so he could look into his face. If his voice couldn’t carry across his caring, maybe his eyes would. 

Gavin didn’t jerk back. Instead, he offered a tiny “Yeah” to Connor’s question. 

“Thank you. Now, do you have a ‘caregiver’ I can contact to help you deal with the emotional impact of your episode?” Somehow, the thought of Gavin having someone else to go to made his stomach squirm, but Connor pushed it away.

“N-no.” Gavin sniffled. The tears from earlier had returned, making fat round beads in the corners of Gavin’s eyes. He jerked his head away, wiping himself with the back of his sleeve. Connor resisted the urge to stop him, his mouth half opened to deliver the follow up questions he had planned. Because surely a… little as sweet as Gavin had someone to look after him. 

For a moment, they sat on the couch, Connor’s arm having somehow moved to rest on Gavin’s shoulder. Gavin hadn’t pulled away yet, in all the time they had been together, and his warmth weighed down comfortably against Connor. 

“You gonna leave?” Asked Gavin. Despite still being in his “big” headspace (as far as Connor could tell), his voice still felt impossibly small. Connor never knew what the expression “heart breaking” meant until that moment. 

“Gavin. Would you like me to be your caretaker?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, I’m so glad everyone liked the first chapter! (I was nervous about posting this lol). If you want to see even more of this, comment down below!

Gavin stared at Connor, mouth still stuck open in shock. “You want to be my What?” He had been preparing for Connor to call him a freak, for him to figure out some new way to blackmail and humiliate Gavin. Not… this. 

“Well, you don’t have a caregiver, and every little needs one, and I figured that- maybe it would be nice if I was to step in and help you. Since we made a good ‘team’.”

“A team, huh? Like our bromance.”

“Whatever you want it to be, honey.”

Gavin grunted; he couldn’t handle the way the pet name made him feel. He instead opted to look at his feet, studying the worn red lines of his sneakers. “Where do you wanna start?” He finally asked. 

“Well, I think it would be nice to get to know your routine with all of this. Do you have anything specific you like to do when you have a caretaker?”

“Um… I like to go on outings, and play with my toys with my caretaker, and cuddle, and… be bathed.”

“Bathing? May we try that?”

“Right now?”

“Why not? So you can see how you like being treated taken care of by me, and you need the bath anyways; you still smell from your accident.”

Gavin flushed. “Alright, I guess. Uhm, shouldn’t you pick out an outfit first?”

“Me?”

“Well, yeah. My old caregiver was in charge of dressing me, and I like not having to choose.” With a wince, he realized it sounded strange coming from his mouth. His eyes glanced up, searching Connor’s face for a sign that he had finally had enough.

“Oh. I did not realize you would trust me enough to do that.”

“Of course I do! You’re… you’re gonna be my Daddy, right?”

“Of course, sweetheart. Can you show me to your room?”

Gavin nodded obediently, the soft tone Connor had used sending little wiggles all through Gavin’s body. He resisted the urge to wave his hands, not wanting to overwhelm Connor. 

As Connor stepped into Gavin’s bedroom, his eyes trained on the androids face to read his reaction. The decoration style was decidedly childish, a concession to Gavin’s need for comfort. Posters of children’s shows hung on the walls, and the small bed swam with stuffed animals. The android looked back at him and smiled. “I think it’s cute.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Gavin awkwardly kicked a stuffed animal away from his path as he lead Connor to his dresser. The first three drawers held his everyday wear, and the last held his little gear. He had accumulated the clothes over the years, from t-shirts with cartoon characters to pajamas with smiling animals. Alongside the clothes was a small box of pacifiers, and a few small toys that he kept to help him sleep. “Pick out anything you want me to wear, Tin can.” He stuck his hands firmly in his pockets, suddenly overwhelmed. 

“Alright.” As if he could sense his discomfort, Connor smiled at him, lifting his hand to squeeze his cheek before turning to the drawers. 

As Gavin waited, Connor seemed to pour over each item of clothing, eyes narrowed in unknown calculations as he began to set items aside. Finally, he settled on a pair of pajamas. They were shorter and dark blue with yellow stars, and made of a soft material and with lots of little glitter to pick at. Connor had also set aside a dark brown pacifier with a puppy on the front of it. “Is this satisfactory, sweetheart?”

Gavin nodded. “I like puppies.” 

By the time Connor had retrieved the rest of the necessary items for Gavin’s bath, with only a little help from Gavin, Gavin’s eyelids had begun to droop. He stood listlessly as Connor pulled off his shirt and double sports bras, whining only a little when the cool air touched his skin. 

“Almost there, honey. Daddy is doing the best he can.” Connor murmured, tugging down Gavin’s jeans. 

Gavin grunted, going still as the same tingly, wriggly feeling shot through him. Daddy. Connor was his Daddy. Even just thinking it sent the feeling shooting through him again. 

Once he was completely naked, Connor scooped him up, carrying him the last few feet to the tub. He had already filled it with water, micromanaged by Gavin until it was the perfect temperature. 

“Is a capful of bubbles good enough?” Connor asked as he set him down into the water. 

Gavin kicked his legs out, relishing the soft heat enveloping him. “Bath bomb?” He still had a few from a Christmas gift from Tina. 

“Where, honey?”

“Cabinet!” He jabbed his finger at the cabinet that sat in the corner. 

Connor obediently walked over. “Which one?”

“Rocket ship!”

Gavin squirmed as he heard Connor chuckle. “Ok, spaceman.” 

As Gavin happily watched the yellow and blue rocket ship dissolve into the water, Connor got to work on cleaning. He lathered shampoo into Gavin’s hair, Gavin only grunting a little as he was pushed forwards. 

“Aren’t the colors pretty, baby?” A finger pointed to the water as Connor worked the soap over Gavin’s body. 

Gavin nodded. “Like blue.”

“It’s a good color. Like your tugboat.” 

Gavin nodded again, eyes alighting on the baby blue tugboat Connor had put in the water for him. Grabbing it with heavy hands, he pushed it through the ripples, making little noises to accompany it. 

“Can you close your eyes now, honey? I need to wash all of this soap off of you.”

Gavin closed his eyes, a smile lifting his face as he leaned back to rest his head on Connor’s hand. “Thank you, Daddy!”

The warm wash of the spray nozzle made Gavin sink even further into the water. 

“You’re welcome.” Connor ducked down to press a quick kiss to Gavin’s nose. “Shall we get you dry now?

“And read me a story after?”

“Of course.”

Gavin happily let himself be lifted out of the tub and tucked snugly into the nubby grey towel that Connor had left before to warm on the radiator. A large hand ruffled his hair as Gavin squirmed in the towel. “You look cute, little man.”

Gavin froze. That was Hank’s name for him. Suddenly, he wanted to be anywhere but there. Anywhere but with the man who reminded him of Hank, of his real Daddy. 

“Pumpkin. Are you ok?”

Before Gavin could mutter a non-response, two strong hands cupped his face and made him look up. “You can tell me anything, ok? I just want to make you happy.”

It was all too much. Connor’s eyes, so soft and kind, and the way he held his face so tenderly that Gavin didn’t even want to jerk away anymore. So Gavin started crying. 

“Baby?”

“M- my old Daddy used ta call me that.” Gavin hiccuped. 

“Oh honey, I didn’t realize.” Connor pressed his lips to Gavin again, this time in his hair, and Gavin pushed his face against Connor’s chest, relishing the pressure. 

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you, honey.”

When Gavin’s tears had dried, Connor dressed him in pajamas and took him back to the bedroom for storytime. He felt so much calmer now, so much more peaceful. The urge to run had left him completely, and now he settled comfortably against Connor’s chest, his pink dragon Gracie sitting with him as they learned the story of the Prince and the Pauper. 

Gavin would have almost called it perfect. So it made sense that Connor’s phone rang. 

Connor grimaced, sitting up while trying not to displace Gavin. “I need to take this, Sweetheart, it’s Hank. I need to go see him. Will you be alright alone?”

Before any hint of tears could trouble Gavin, he nodded. “Can you see me soon?”

“Of course. … Do you want to do this again this weekend?”

Gavin’s stomach tightened. He needed his Daddy now. Mustering all of his best manners, he quietly asked “May we please do this again tomorrow?”

Connor beamed, looking almost relieved. “I was thinking that too, but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I would love to do this again tomorrow.” With that, Connor pressed a kiss into Gavin’s face before disentangling himself. 

———————————-

When Connor entered Hank’s kitchen, he became immediately aware of Hank’s eyes on him. The man sat at the table, nursing a drink as he stared at the wall. 

“Hello, Hank.” Connor smiler neutrally. “How was your day?”

“You were gone for awhile, Connor. Saw you leave with Gavin.”

“Did you?” Connor started working on the buttons of his coat, undoing them one by one. “I was simply helping him. He asked for my assistance.” 

“Did he now? Reed hates you. You must know that.”

“Does he?” 

“He’s never had one good word to say about you.” Hank crosses his arms, chugging back the remnants in his mug. “I think he’s using you.” 

“That can’t be right.” Connor pursed his lips. “You don’t even know him.” 

“Look, kid. He may say shit to get what he wants from you, may even turn on the waterworks, but I know him. He’s a bastard. Once he gets what he wants from you, he’ll leave you high and dry, scratching your head wondering what the hell happened to all of the time he took from you.” 

Connor looked down at Hank. Although the man was taller than him by a good two inches, he looked so small and angry at the table. Enough that Connor decided not to believe him. “He’s not taking advantage of my kindness, Hank. I know that for a fact.”

“Why?” Hank leaned back. “You seem awful attached to someone who doesn’t give a shit about you.”

“Because-“ A million possibilities raced through Connor’s processors. He could back down, could let Hank win the little fight he had set out to create, or he could deflect and still placate his housemate. Yet, the sad green eyes from earlier lingered, and Connor couldn’t bear to betray them, even if he had to lie. “Because he’s my boyfriend!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for all of the wonderful comments! It makes so happy to read them~~. If anyone has any requests (or just wants to talk lol) feel free to contact me on tumblr @lil-detroit (Which is still very much under construction ;;)

The next morning, Gavin woke to a wall of texts. He had purposely put his phone on do not disturb, because even after his time with Connor he still wasn’t ready to deal with any bullshit from his work. 

They had all seen him leave, all stared, from what his blurry memory supplied, had all gawked and pointed at stupid fucking Gavin. He needed an explanation, some cover up to save at least a little face with the department and the few people he considered friends. They wouldn’t accept that Gavin, ice king supreme, had made a friend of Connor. 

And Gavin could not accept showing them weakness. 

He unlocked his phone, wincing at the number of texts. One from Fowler sat at the top, telling him to be on time to work today. Gavin smirked, stomach feeling just a bit lighter as he scrolled down the wall. 

Most of the messages were from Tina. They went from a moderate to large amount of concern as he scrolled through them, the last reading “Call me.” Gavin winced. It wasn’t too late in the morning, and he decided to put it off until he saw her. Maybe he could claim he lost his phone. 

As Gavin got into his clothes, his phone rang. “Connor?” Gavin grumbled. “You know I’m not little now, right?” 

“I know. We need to talk.”

Gavin’s stomach clenched. Did Connor not want to be with him, even after he had cared himself to Connor? He considered ending the call before Connor spoke. 

“I may have said something to Hank, about us.”

“The fuck did you say?”

“Nothing about our unique relationship. Just… he was cagey about our involvement, so. I told him we were lovers.”

“The fuck. That’s… That’s not a bad idea, actually.” Even if it did feel weird to be thought of as dating Connor, it was common for most Littles to be in romantic relationships with their caregivers. But more importantly, it would make sense to his coworkers. Connor’s softness with him would easily be explained. 

“So you’re not mad?”

Was he? “I don’t know. Just no more surprises, ok?” That was the last thing Gavin wanted to deal with. 

—————————————————

As soon as Gavin stepped into the bullpen, Tina mobbed him. “What the fuck is up with you, Gavin?”

Gavin flinched back. Despite being taller than her, she could still make him cower. 

“I had a bad day, ok? My phone died and I lost my charger and-“ In that moment, all he wanted was to be safe in Connor’s arms. 

“And what’s up with you and Connor?” Black eyes narrowed in accusation.

“We- Look, don’t tell anyone, but we’re dating. Boyfriends, and all that shit.” The words felt heavy on his tongue, so foreign, and he hoped desperately Tina wouldn’t see through him. 

Instead of being angry, Tina grinned. “I’m so happy for you, big guy!” Warm arms enveloped him in a hug. “Never thought Mr T for T would date someone like Connor.” 

“H-hey! Not in public. And Connor’s not that bad. He’s pretty cool for a cis guy.” Still, he let her do it; it felt extremely nice, and it let her get all of the pent up emotions out of her system. 

“I was thinking, if you’re screwing around with Connor, then he should come with us tonight.”

“To bowling?” It was Chris’s kid’s third birthday, and while Chris Junior could Not bowl by himself, that didn’t stop Chris from having “good clean fun” with his family and friends at the bowling alley. “I dunno, Tina; he’s not really part of the friend group, so it might be a little awkward.”

“Come on, I’m even bringing my new partner.” Her eyes softened, and she squeezed Gavin's cheek. “You can at least ask him. You know, you don’t have to be all weird about dating a guy around us.”

“It’s not that.” Gavin crossed his arms, leaning away. “And I will ask him.”

“You better. Or I’ll do it for you.” 

Before Gavin could flip her off, she was gone. Gavin rolled his eyes. 

Turning to Connor’ he waved at the android as he approached his desk. “Hey!” In his mind, all eyes were on them, analyzing their every move. He swallowed hard, looking down at the android. 

“We never did set boundaries in public.”

“Well we’re fake dating now, dipshit, so-“

“Can I call you kitten? Or pumpkin? I suppose little prince is off the table in public, but-“

Gavin’s stomach squirmed at the pet names. All he wanted was to be held as Connor sang them into his ear, but Gavin had a reputation to keep up. “Sweetheart. Sweetheart is good. Or honey. And I need to ask you something.”

“What is it, my sweetest of hearts?”

“Chris is having a party for his kid. A bowling thing. Tina says you should come with me, and if I go we won’t have little time tonight, so would you please please come with me D-Connor?”

“Of course, honey bunny. I would love to accompany you.”

—————————————-

Gavin picked Connor up at 6:30 sharp, wearing an old sweatshirt and jeans. His hair was mussed up, too, the gel from the morning gone. 

“You look adorable.” Connor murmured, placing a kiss on his cheek. 

“Yeah yeah. Don’t make me go little while I’m driving, Con.”

They passed the drive in relative silence, Connor content to watch out the window as the scenery passed by. 

“Uhh, we’re here.” Gavin tapped his fingers against the wheel of the car. 

“Splendid. Do you need help getting out?”

“Noo.”

The party was already inside (Connor supposed Gavin had wanted to be fashionably late), milling around the alley. 

“Gavin! Get your ass over here!”

“Hey! There is a child present.”

“Fine. Reed, get your as-“

Before Tina could finish the sentence, Connor called out, “Hello Tina!” 

Chris shot him a grateful glance. “You two need to get your bowling shoes before you play.”

“Thanks Dad. I didn’t realize. It’s not like you’ve made us come here every year.”

Before Chris could make a comeback, Gavin dragged Connor over to the cash register. “I can get you shoes, if you don’t have the money, because I asked you here and all. What size are you?”

“11. And have you eaten yet?”

“... No.”

“I’ll get you something then.” Scooping Gavin against himself, he placed a kiss on top of the smaller man’s hair. 

“Get me what?”

“It’s a surprise.”

Gavin’s lips opened in a little pink ‘O’, green eyes wide as Connor left for the concessions. 

With no healthy options, he settled on the chicken fingers and french fries, as well as a large purple icee. At least the sweet things would take Gavin’s mind off of everything. 

When Gavin saw the food, his eyes lit up. He had two pairs of bowling shoes besides him, as well as his sneakers sitting on the floor. Connor smirked when he caught sight of Gavin’s toes wiggling under his socks. 

“You need help getting them on, kiddo?”

Gavin nodded. “Too hard.”

Setting the food down besides Gavin, Connor slipped the smaller pair of shoes over Gavin’s feet. The Velcro did up easily, and Gavin reached down to pat at Connor’s head as he fixed the second shoe in place. 

“Are you little now?” Connor chuckled. 

“Nooo.” Gavin huffed. “Feed me?”

“Mm, won’t that make you regress?” 

“No. ‘Sides, boyfriends feed each other all the time, it’s couples shit. And you should sit me on your lap, too, because boyfriends also do that.” 

Connor obliged, scooping the only slightly squirming man onto his lap. “Do boyfriends also bounce each other on their laps?” He hummed into his ear. None of the others were looking; Chris was too intent on “helping” his son bowl, and Tina and her partner were making out. 

Gavin nodded his head. 

When Gavin had gobbled up all of his chicken and fries, only idling sipping on his slushie, Connor began to bounce him. Only lightly, of course, until Gavin’s eyes lulled closed, hands in fists around Connor’s jacket. 

After a quick check that Gavin wasn’t binding (Connor didn’t trust the man not to endanger his ribcage), he settled his Gavin down on the bench, Connor went to join Chris. 

“He fell asleep?” Chris laughed, still bent over as he bowled his son’s ball. 

“Gavin’s been so tired lately, I thought I’d let him rest.” 

“That’s good of you. By the way, how long have you two been together? You seem so… cozy.”

“Um… a few weeks, I guess.” Connor’s processors seemed to freeze at the lie. 

“That’s good. We were all a bit worried for him, after… you know.”

“After what?”

“Hank.”

Connor froze. “What about Hank?”

“They dates for awhile. At least a year. Then the car crash happened, and Gavin and him stopped hanging out, and… things have been tense with him ever since. We didn’t think he had ever gotten over him.”

Why hadn’t Gavin told him? Unless… Gavin wanted to keep secrets from him. It all made sense now, Hank’s anger, his betrayal. Gavin hadn’t liked him until the bathroom, after all. What if he was- Connor shook the thought away. 

“Oh. Well, I think I should go; Gavin really should get in bed.” 

“I didn’t scare you off, did I? With you being so close to Hank and all.”

Connor smiled, a strange sick feeling in his stomach. Gavin still hadn’t stirred, mouth open as he faced the ceiling, mumbling like he was dreaming. He looked like an angel, all stretched out. But he was so far away, Connor could only wonder at what he dreamed about. “Of course not.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry for how long it took for me to update, but I had gotten into a little bit of a rut planning-wise for this story. Luckily, I have the outline figured out now, and I should be able to get much quicker updates!   
> Find me on tumblr @lil-detroit   
> Also, a Special Note: I’m taking Special Requests now for fics, the details of which you can find on my tumblr :)  
> As ever, please comment with what you think!

It had been three weeks since the bowling party. And for three weeks, Chris’s words had stewed inside of his mind. 

He had thought Hank’s observations were that of a bitter outsider, one who had lost so much and couldn’t stand to see the affection of the only person who gave it to him redirected to someone else. But the thought that he held some truth made Connor uneasy. 

So, Connor had done his best to avoid the man. He kept things to small talk when they were at work, and at home he did his best to avoid the lieutenant. Even with the withering looks Hank sometimes sent him, it wasn’t hard. 

What had been hard was keeping his interactions with Gavin to a minimum. 

It seemed all Gavin wanted was to fall all over him. While Connor initially assumed he would be the weak link when it came to affection, given how prickly and aggressive Gavin behaved, it seemed Gavin refused to separate from him. 

“Hey!” 

Connor looked up, lifting his lips in a smile. “Gavin. How are you?”

“Good! I was wondering, you ready for your lunch break?” Like an untapped power source, Gavin drummed his fingers restlessly against the top of his desk, still attempting to keep himself out of the line of sight of Hank. His efforts helped little, and Connor tensed as the Lieutenant glanced over at them. 

“I suppose so. And I suppose you’d like to eat it with me?” It has become their tradition, of sorts. Even if Connor had usually eaten with Hank before. 

“Well, duh.”

That earned an eye roll from Hank. 

“Remember your manners.” Connor muttered. He didn’t want Hank to learn of the particulars of their relationship, and that remark was decidedly un-boyfriendlike. 

“Can you eat with me, please?” Coupled with puppy eyes was Gavin’s response. 

“Of course, honey. Did you put your lunch in the freezer?” 

“Yeah! Kept the note with me though.”

Connor had packed Gavin’s lunch for him “with love”, as evidenced by the little pink sticky note he had left in it. The thought that Gavin liked the note enough to keep it did things to him. 

“Alright. Why don’t you fetch it and meet me in the break room?”

Gavin nodded, placing a sloppy kiss on his cheek before darting off. 

As Connor stood up, Hank cleared his throat. 

“What?” A breath whooshed through Connor’s nose. 

“Reed’s really giving you the whole run around, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

“You ever stop and ask yourself what he’s doing for you, and not just for himself.”

Connor waited a moment. He didn’t like the thought. Hank’s other ideas, he could easily shake off, when he thought they were based in bitter imaginings. This one clinged to him, like a worm digging into his brain. “Fuck off, Hank.”

Gavin sat at one of the tall tables, his legs kicking out as he waited for him. As Connor approached, he waved wildly. “What took you so long?”

“Nothing, honey.”

Gavin seemed content with that answer, digging into the dinosaur lunchbox Connor had packed for him. He pulled out a pack of baby carrots, making a face at them before moving on to the frosted animal cookies. 

While initially Gavin seemed remiss to even behave a little Little at work, now Gavin loved to blur the lines in their downtime. The lunches had morphed due to those actions. 

“At least eat the sandwich before the cookies, Honey.” 

Gavin nodded, grumbling to himself and biting into the crust-off pb and j Connor had prepared. “Ok Con.” 

As Connor sucked his thirium, he regarded Gavin. Keeping the note was cute, but he had hardly thanked him for the lunch. And making a face at the carrots that Connor had packed so he could be healthy was hardly polite. 

“Was thinking.” Gavin mumbled between bites of his sandwich. 

“About what?” Connor wanted to add that he should chew the rest of his food before speaking, but he doubted Gavin would listen. 

“We should go out tonight. Somewhere special, maybe? N then back to my place.”

“Alright. I think that would be nice. Maybe we could go somewhere relaxing?”

“Ok!” Gavin grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze. “My Connor deserves his rest.” 

Connor’s cheeks flamed, but he returned the gesture. Maybe he was being too critical. All that mattered was that Gavin cared for him, right? 

—————————

Gavin had had the restaurant in mind for awhile. It was cozy, with fairy lights and thirium as well as food. But more importantly, it was romantic. 

For the past week, the gravity of their connection had started to sink in. The caregiving had been fun, sure, with Connor’s love and attention to detail making him feel the safest he had felt since Hank, but as they went through the motions of “dating” each other in public, he realized he wanted something more. It had been too long since he had dated someone for real. 

Here was a ploy to get it. While Connor’s earlier mood had put doubts in his mind, he hoped at least the restaurant would make the android happy enough to listen. 

“So, how was your day?” It was an innocuous question, but it was one Gavin had often failed to consider. Before, he had considered what Connor did on his own time his own business; no one liked prying, after all. But now, he needed to know. 

“My day. Well, I did have a lovely lunch with my favorite little.”

Gavin’s toes curled at the words. “Besides that, silly!”

“Well, I finished my paperwork, which I’m sure is a foreign concept to you, and then I went home and got ready for tonight.” 

“I did the same. But I didn’t finish my paperwork. But I did clean up my house, so what’s really more important, huh?” 

Connor leaned over, grabbing his arm and pulling him closer. “Cuddling with me tonight, I think.” 

Gavin went red. The words to ask him were on the tip of his tongue, just ready to spill out. “Hey, Con. Can I-“

“Hey!! What’re you two doing here?”

Connor flinched, eyes shooting up to meet the intrusion. “Officer Chen.”

“Tina! What are you doing here?” 

“I asked you first.” 

“We’re on a date.”

“Well so am I. Besides, I told you I was going here with my partner tonight, so that means you followed me.” She crossed her arms over her chest, smirking down at him. 

Internally, Gavin winced. Now that he thought of it, she probably had told him sometime that morning, when he had been too groggy to process it. 

“You did, didn’t you?” She laughed. “That’s kind of cute, even though it’s creepy.” 

“No! I just like this place.” As Gavin verbally flailed, Connor pulled his hand out of his. 

“Sure. So is this a Peeping Tom situation, or a ‘show that we’re the better couple’ kind of thing?” 

“Christ. Tina, we’re not-“ 

“Or did you forget what your best friend told you already?”

Gavin’s cheeks flamed, and he hunched into the table. 

“I’ll leave you two to your little date, I guess. But you should know, we’ll be watching you.” She shot him the ‘I’m watching you’ sign before leaving. 

“I’m so so-“

“It’s fine. Really.” Connor’s hands pursed on the table, and he gave Gavin a mild smile. “It is rather fortuitous to appear as a couple not just at work.”

“That’s not-“

“You don’t have to lie to me. I really don’t mind, Gavin- I knew there was little chance this was just for me.”

The words stung. And yet, Gavin couldn’t figure out what to say. Instead, he stared at his legs, waiting for the dinner to be over.

The drive to his house passed quickly enough, Connor seeming to have grown less closed off from the dinner. Still, Gavin longed to know what went on in his mind. 

“Uhm, what do you want to do tonight, Daddy?”

“Nothing too strenuous. I’m a bit tired from earlier.” 

Could androids get tired? Gavin hadn’t thought about it, but the thought that he hadn’t realized earlier troubled him. 

“Ok. Maybe we could read together?”

“Alright. Have you washed up for today?”

“N-no.” Gavin preferred night showers, and he hadn’t found the time to wash himself before meeting Connor. 

“Silly. We can run a quick shower for you, ok?” His hand clasped over Gavin’s own, pulling him into his own house. 

When they reached the bathroom, Connor began helping him out of his clothes, wincing slightly at the stench emanating from some of the garments. 

“How long has it been since you washed this?” He waved Gavin’s chest binder at him. 

“A coupla days…”

“What about the pants?” 

“That’s none of your business.”

“I see.” Connor snorted. Gavin was pushed into the shower after that, Connor tutting and sighing as he worked shampoo into Gavin’s hair and instructed him to wash everywhere with the bar of soap. To Gavin’s embarrassment, he even checked twice to make certain he had listened. 

It was only when Gavin had been wrestled into pajamas, the plaid pair that felt so soft underneath his fingers, that Connor relaxed. 

Curled up in Gavin’s bed, with their breathing fanning out in tandem, Gavin knew he could get used to the feeling. Connor’s arms felt so perfect around him. 

“You won’t leave me, right, Con?”  
He asked. 

Connor didn’t answer, already slipped into stasis.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing this one, and I hope you enjoy.   
> If you want me to write a story for you, hit me up @lil-detroit on tumblr n we can hash out the details :)

The way home from Gavin’s house was cold, and Connor pulled his jacket close to guard against a gust of wind. Being cold was a human experience, of course, but deviance had lent him to the motion. The thirium pulsing through him did a well enough job of keeping him from freezing, but sometimes he liked the added comfort of the jacket tucked tight around him. Sometimes, he needed it. 

This was one of those times. 

Gavin had used him. Sure, if he ran the situation through his mind like he had before, over and over, calculating and recalculating what it all meant, it was almost logical. They didn’t make sense as a couple if they only publicly “hung out” at work. 

And yet, it followed a pattern. Gavin showed him kindness only after Connor assisted him in the bathroom. Enough to make sure Connor wouldn’t spill his secret. Then, enough to keep Connor providing for him. To Gavin, Connor was a means to an end. 

But- the way that Gavin curled in his arms so neatly, the way he called him Daddy, the way he kissed his cheek, grabby and clingy and so sweet, made Connor’s pump flutter. 

The question “is it worth it?” buzzed inside of him as he stepped through the door of the home he shared with Hank. Perhaps, anything was worth it to hold Gavin in his arms. 

Despite the rest he had gotten, something carrying verisimilitude to exhaustion pulled at his eyelids. No “Charge Needed” warnings clouded his vision, but the couch, piled with pillows and blankets, still called to him. It couldn’t hurt to get more rest. 

——————-

Connor woke to a hand in his hair, stroking him like he had done so many times before with Sumo. For a moment, Connor imagined it was Gavin. Realized he yearned to be touched like that by him. 

Connor opened his eyes. Somehow, while he was asleep, his head had been moved onto Hank’s lap. That, and a blanket had been thrown over him. Well, tucked, given the way even his feet had been covered. 

“It’s nice to see you.” Hank’s voice broke the silence, and Connor cringed. Somehow, he had hoped Hank would leave him alone. Even if the touch felt remarkably nice. 

“Is it?”

“You’ve been avoiding me, Connor. Just… wanted to say that. I still enjoy seeing you.”

“I’m not avoiding you. And I just came down here because I couldn’t sleep. It’s too cold in my room.”

Hank continued like he hadn’t heard him, calloused hands still tangled in Connor’s hair. “You know, staying over is a big deal. You’ve been doing that quite a bit now, after what, three weeks?”

Connor stiffened. “We’ve been together longer.”

“Mm. You started dating after you took Reed out after his incident, right? That’s around three weeks.”

“How do you figure that?” It was a mistake to engage. To give credence to what was probably just mad ramblings on Hank’s part. And yet, Connor wanted to challenge him. 

“Reed wouldn’t give you the time of day before you helped him.”

“That’s not true.” It was. 

“As I was saying, you two are awful close for dating. You don’t seem the type to want to stay over every night, unless-“

“What are you implying?” The thought of having sex with Gavin was… strange. Not unpleasant, but foreign. He had never had sex before, and the thought of Hank viewing him as promiscuous was almost amusing. 

“You’re his caregiver, aren’t you?”

Connor froze. “Excuse me?” 

“You are. The way you look at him, fuckin bend over backwards to provide for him, he’s using you, Connor. Why can’t you see that?”

Connor struggled upright, pushing back from Hank to the far end of the couch. He wanted to leave. He wanted to deny everything. Blue eyes bored holes right into his psyche. 

“He doesn’t love you like you love him.”

He shouldn’t say anything. “You don’t know that.” 

“But I do.”

Connor supposed the widening of his eyes, the softest intake of his breath spluttering out, was enough for Hank to know to continue. 

“Me and Gavin, we were… together for awhile. I loved him. He was just a kid, you know, lost and alone. Not many people treated him right on the police force, back then. He didn’t pass well at all, just came out as transgender, and he had to contend with all that bullshit. I always wanted to look after someone like that, to keep him safe, to make him happy. Those damn puppy eyes got me every time. We had fun together, you know. I took him everywhere. Christ, he was important to me. And you know what?”

With a sinking feeling, Connor supposed he did. “What?”

“After I lost Cole, after I couldn’t give him every goddamn ounce of my attention? He left me. Just up and gone. Like I meant nothing to him. He used me, and then he threw me away when he didn’t need me anymore.”

Connor had never understood human urges quite so acutely until that moment. The urge to cough up whatever boiled inside of his body shot through him, and he clutched his stomach subconsciously. He wanted to say “He’s not like that.” Instead, he found himself staring, unable to look away. Like a car crash, maybe. Like he was looking at himself. 

“Connor, come here.” Hanks arms were out. A hug. Connor crawled towards him, letting the warm arms envelope him. He felt… strange, both hot and cold all over, and the urge to void his systems still remained. “I just want what’s best for you, ok? And I don’t think your relationship with Gavin is what you need.”

“Feel weird.” Connor whispered. He pressed into Hank, hoping it would alleviate some of the bubbling tension in his stomach. It did nothing. 

“You’re upset. And I know the feeling. But we can get through this together.”

Connor didn’t know what to think. He wanted to prove Hank wrong, but some small part of him thought Hank was right. 

——————-

“You wanna do something tonight?”

It had been a few days since their last “date”. Where Connor had slunk home before Gavin woke up, leaving only a note “Got to get in early. See you at work” behind. 

Gavin had seen Connor at work little, the android only greeting him with a pressed-tight smile and a “Hey, Gavin.” No pet names, but at least not his last name. 

The android considered the request, head tilting back as he stared down at Gavin. “Alright. That would be nice for you, wouldn’t it? Somewhere public again, I presume?”

“O-only if you wanted.” The disaster from the last date still looked heavy in his mind. He desperately wanted to explain it, but no words had manifested to help. Besides, he was better off not saying anything; the wrong words, which so often slipped from Gavin’s mouth, would only make it worse. 

“If I wanted? Alright. Let’s go to the park then. It’s peaceful, quiet, maybe your friend Chris will happen to see us.”

Before Gavin could interject, Connor was gone, striding back over to his desk. He wanted to follow, desperately, but he couldn’t. Connor would hate it if he chased after him like some lovesick, unloveable puppy. 

Instead, Gavin focused on his own work. Let himself be carried away in the ebb and flow of the day, didn’t stop even as he felt Hank’s eyes trained right on him. 

Hank hated him already, but maybe if Gavin was good and hardworking and quiet, his new Daddy wouldn’t feel the same way. 

By the time they were ready to leave, Gavin was exhausted, emotionally and physically. 

Connor had spent the day talking to Hank. Usually, he had at least a few words set aside for Gavin, a touch here and there to take them through the day. They had met once, at lunchtime. Connor apologized for not preparing him anything, with the addendum that he was too wrapped up in work and had to take his lunch break alone. Gavin had smiled and nodded, and almost added that it was ok, because he still had Connor’s “with love” from before. Connor had left too quickly for that. 

“You ready?” Gavin asked. The clock read 5:29 pm. They were more than ready. 

“I thought we should take separate cars.”

“Oh.” He liked when Connor drove him. Loved it, even, when Connor let him play with the radio, and it was like the two of them were “against the world”, like classic action movie heroes. 

“Yeah. After I had to step out last time, I didn’t want to leave you stranded if I had to leave early.” Pale fingers picked at the hem of his coat as he said it. 

“That’s alright. Race you there?”

That won him the beginnings of a smile. “Sure.”

———-

The park was quiet. It was a weeknight, with only a few mothers-and-children pairs milling around on the green. Gavin would have called it peaceful, if not for the growing unease that settled in his stomach. 

He had waited 15 minutes for Connor to arrive. Long enough for him to doubt the location, or Connors interest. Of course, Connor had pulled up right when he figured to leave. 

“It’s nice out.” He said. Maybe it was, if ducks and grass and a pinky blue purpling of the sky could cancel out anxiety. 

“I suppose so. Even temperature. The ducks are out.”

“I brought bread. To feed em, I mean.”

Connor’s face pinched. “I suppose you did. Bread isn’t good for ducks, Gavin. Not everything is about pleasing you.”

The words stung, and Gavin winced. But he supposed he deserved them, because Connor was walking forward before he could even think of a response, not that he wanted to give one anyways. What could he even say?

“Saw you talking to Hank at work.” New topic. Not safe, but relevant. 

“Did you now?” A strange look, not a smile. Not a frown either. Just… pursed. 

“Yeah.” He wanted to make Connor happy, he realized. “I think it’s nice.”

“Do I need permission to talk to people you don’t like, Gavin?”

Fuck. “I- n-no.” He was slipping. Wasn’t he? A thousand curses shuddered past, all too Big for his mouth. 

“No? It doesn’t feel that way, kitten.”

Keep walking. Don’t mess it up further. “Wanna see the ducks?”

Connor’s eyes narrowed. A nod. “Don’t feed them.”

Gavin’s legs were like stones, heavy and tugging at him even as he tried so hard to push forward. So hard it hurt, he realized. He needed to stop. 

“C-can we- the bench?”

“Anything for you, right?” Cold at first, then something else flashed into Connor’s eyes as he seemed to look over him. His hand grabbed his, not too rough, and lead him to sit on the bench. 

Gavin wanted to salvage the moment. It was almost nice, if he could just ignore the weight between them. Words hurt, Gavin knew. And yet…

“Daddy?”

Connor raised an eyebrow, as if to say “In public?”. 

Gavin wanted to barf. Instead, he said, “Are you mad at me?”

That got a sigh. Long, but not drawn out. As if Connor wanted to kill the feeling dead. “Gavin. What’s my favorite color?”

There were options. Connor liked the lavenders that grew outside of the police station, always loved it when the sky shone so blue above them, and the new green of spring, when the trees had just regained their leaves, had made his big brown eyes go so wide with wonder. But Gavin knew spewing them wouldn’t win any favors, because the real answer, no doubt imparted to him at some time he had failed to listen, wasn’t there. Besides, Gavin’s jaws remained tight with panic. No words could get by. 

“You don’t know. Can you even say bathing about me? One positive thing, that isn’t linked to something I do for you?”

His smile. So bright it made Gavin hurt to see it. A good kind of hurt, that left Gavin craving. He would have done anything to see that smile again. But he couldn’t open his mouth. 

Tears, hot and wet, streaked down his face. 

“You’re kind of pathetic, you know. Can’t even deal with me calling you out on your-your manipulation, so you have to go further. Don’t you?” 

Before, Gavin had imagined the worst thing for Connor to feel towards him was hatred. But the hurt clear in Connor’s voice was infinitely worse. 

The beginnings of words squeaked out. “I-im so-“

“What? Sorry? That’s not good enough.”

Connor stood, brushing off imaginary dust from his coat. Gavin expected something cold, something biting to be the last thing Connor said to him before walked away. 

Connor said nothing. 

As the chill of the night seeped past Gavin’s flimsy jacket, thousands of iterations of what he could have said playing as shadows in his mind, he supposed the silent tears that had glimmered on Connor’s face were biting enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Oops lmao. Honestly tho thank you all SO MUCH for all the wonderful comments you left on the last chapter, and I hope you enjoy the next installment with our baby boys uwu.   
> Don’t forget to leave a comment!

Connor was cold. He shouldn’t have been, he was an android, and the winter air should have done nothing to him. But there were a lot of things that shouldn’t have been for Connor. 

He breathed in through his nose. If he was a human, air would have escaped in a misting cloud. But he wasn’t, and the air before him remained untouched, like he hadn’t been there at all. He wondered if he’d feel that way about Gavin. 

He should go home. His car was right there, snow collecting on the hood. But what could he say? That Hank was right, that he had been a fool? He didn’t want to admit it. 

Somehow, he was in the car. Fingers drumming against the wheel. He sat for a few seconds, until he realized he was parked a few cars down from Gavin and he would have to see him leave if he stayed. He should have waited, but he didn’t want to or maybe he couldn’t so he pulled out and took a deep breath because maybe it was nice to feel the thick cool choking clogging air expand and retract in his chest and then he was crying harder with his head on the steering wheel. 

He wasn’t sure how he got home. The lights were on when he pulled in, and he parked the car, pulling out of his seat. He swallowed again, hard, then he put his hands into his pockets, balled into fists and then loose again. 

He didn’t want to see Hank but he was already at the door. He rested against it, and the wood felt nice and cool and numbing against his skin. He knocked twice. Timid then loud. 

A grunt, shuffling feet, then- “Kid?” Maybe an “I told you so” would have been in the making, except Hank caught sight of Connor's face. Of his tears. Instead, Hank caught him in a hug. 

Connor was led over to the couch, propped up against Hank and covered with a blanket. “Do you want to talk about it?” He finally asked, when Connor grew bored of pretending to study whatever menial channel Hank had put on the TV. 

“No.” He studied the wall instead. It needed repainting, cracks already forming at the corners. 

“Really?” 

It might have been water damage. Building undetected until it broke into dribbling cracks across the ceiling. Not caught until it was too late. “I thought he- I thought he liked me.” 

A large, warm hand came down to pat his back. “I know.”

“He seemed so happy, and it made me happy. But… guess he didn’t care about me at all.” 

Connor yelped as he was pressed into Hank’s chest. “I’m sorry.” Hank murmured. His hands were rough and unsteady, but they still felt nice in his hair. 

Connor yawned. He felt strange and sleepy all at once, and the tears had finally stopped. 

—————————————-

Gavin hadn’t slept. The bags under his eyes said as much, as well as wearing the clothes he wore yesterday. Or the matted hair. 

He didn’t want to get up. But Fowler would be on his ass for missing more work, and the last thing he wanted was a call from him. 

He didn’t brush his teeth, didn’t shave, forewent his chest binder, and only barely remembered to put on deodorant. But he took two stuffed animals, one from Hank and one from Connor, and stuffed them into his jacket pockets. 

As he went through the motions of getting ready, a thought struck him. Connor had said they were over because Gavin didn’t care about him. If he could just talk to him, with the right words… 

Outside was cold and wet, the snow having slackened to rain in the middle of the night, leaving the world covered in sheets of half-slushed ice. Gavin almost fell twice while making it to the car. Still, he persisted. 

The roads were thankfully clear, and he made it into the DPD in good time. His two stuffed animals provided him with enough encouragement from their position in the passengers seat. If he let his mind go, his thoughts would swirl back to the bench. To how powerless he had felt, looking up at Connor. When he had come home, he hadn’t wanted to be alive. 

Instead, Gavin focused on the ground. One foot in front of the other, his hands balled into fists at his sides and the two stuffed animals tucked tight in his pockets. 

He made it into the building. He wanted to cry. 

The receptionist didn’t look up, even with his hood pulled tight up and over his head. Even as his steps ricocheted off of the floor. 

He was on time, better than usual, and he seated himself at his desk to wait for the right words to form. In his pockets, he played with the paws of both stuffies. 

He waited for a minute. An hour. By lunchtime, nothing had came to him. But he was strong, and he could get through this. 

Pacing helped a little, done in the break room. He dared not look over at Connor until he was ready. Connor hadn’t come over to say anything to him, and that was all he needed to know. That the ball was in his court. 

Lunchtime ended, and he had work to do. He would wing it, then. 

The walk to Connor’s desk stretched impossibly long, each step echoing into the room. His friends had avoided him for the morning as it was, and he dreaded them trying to talk to him now. 

When Connor’s desk came into view, he froze. Connor was gone.   
——————————————————

Connor should have gone into work. But as Hank walked out the door, giving his hair a last ruffle as goodbye, Connor didn’t want to. It wasn’t a spoken decision, but Hank had said nothing when it was 15 minutes before leaving, and only a whispered “Stay safe, kid” at 5. 

And when the door clicked shut with a sort of unsettling finality, Connor felt a weight lift from him. For the first time in a long while, Connor had nothing to do. 

Sumo curled at his feet, looking up plaintively when Connor stood. “Sorry, buddy.” Connor laughed, scratching behind his ear. “Didn’t mean to disturb you.” 

He spent the first hour of his freedom playing with Sumo. He had no cases to tend to, no lunches to make, and no dates to plan for. If he focused too long on it he felt empty, but if he pretended to hold it at arms length, eyes squinted so the edges fuzzed up just so, he felt free. 

When Sumo grew tired of him, grunting in indignation and hauling himself to the other side of his room as Connor again attempted to ruffle his fur, Connor moved onto pragmatics. The dishes were done first, Connor falling into the rhythm of washing and scrubbing until they were gone in just moments. 

Then the dusting, and the laundry, and finally, after a quick trip to the store, he was repainting the wall. He wasn’t sure if it would hold, but as he laid each stroke against the spidered cracks, he knew he had to try. 

——————————————

The longer he waited, the stupider Gavin felt. Connor wasn’t in, only Hank. A Hank who plugged idly away at his desk, thankfully too caught up in work to notice him. 

The stuffed animals weighed heavily in his pockets, and he turned to leave. 

As each step echoed off of the floor, laughing mockingly at him, Gavin told himself that he wouldn’t have known what to say anyways. Maybe, he thought, as he slumped back into his desk, it was a blessing that Connor wasn’t there. 

——————

Hank came home early, two cupcakes, half crushed, in his bag. One vanilla with red frosting, and one chocolate with blue. “Thought you could use some cheering up.” He said, setting them down on the table. “And we can call for takeout, too.” 

“That sounds lovely.”

Hank’s eyes swept the room, and he grinned. “You been doing some home improvement, huh, Con?” 

“Do you like it?” He hadn’t thought, hadn’t expected Hank to notice. But he had hoped. 

“I love it.” Hanks hands were on him again, this time in a gruff, one-armed hug. As Connor was clasped to his chest, thoughts still stuck on Hank noticing his hard work, he realized he was going to be OK. 

——————————————————

Three weeks. Three weeks of being nothing more than a shadow. 

Chris and Tina had thankfully stopped calling, stopped trying to even talk to him at work. Maybe they were worried, but they had been through it with Gavin before. The thought sickened him, and he turned back over on his bed, pulling the covers tighter. 

It was Saturday, thankfully. Nothing expected from him. Even if being in bed at 3:35 pm was hardly acceptable by any human standards. 

He couldn’t take it anymore. He tried not to see Connor, tried not to look at him, but it was hard. He couldn’t avoid him forever, even if he wanted to. 

But he could for now. He could avoid all of it. 

Somehow, Gavin’s thumb found its way into his mouth. He had been little a lot. It wasn’t the same, of course, but Little Gavin couldn’t form a coherent thought. Little Gavin only knew he was hurt and needed to cuddle something, even a stuffy, to make it better. Little Gavin didn’t know, didn’t really know, who caused it. 

He was so sleepy. Even if his body hurt with his mind, he just wanted to close his eyes. He drifted in and out, to the tune of the rhythmic buzzing. It was almost nice, if he pulled the blanket up over his ears. 

Buzzing? 

Gavin sat upright. Knocking. At his door. He wasn’t in any state for company, in a 3 day old sweatpants and a stained t-shirt, but he didn’t care. All he would do was scream at them in his Big voice to fuck off. 

He padded downstairs, yanking open the door. “The fuck do you-“

“Gavin!” Two arms slammed into him, almost knocking him to the floor. Then- “Fuck! You smell.” 

Gavin blinked, still dazed. “Tina?” 

“Yes, dumbass. Your best friend, remember? Who you love? And who’s been worried sick about your sorry ass?” 

“I’m… sorry.” He mumbled. “Wanna come in?”

Her eyes softened. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

He shook his head.

“How long has it been since you’ve last bathed?” 

He didn’t answer. It was too long, anyways. 

She sighed. “Why don’t you shower, and I’ll pick out some new clothes for you? And then we’ll talk.” 

He knew he wasn’t getting out of it, and he nodded, numbly plodding to the bathroom. She already knew the layout of his apartment, knew what drawers were “Personal: Do Not Touch” and had seen him naked countless times, so there was nothing to faze her. 

He showered quickly, and struggled into the jeans and sweatshirt that Tina had left out for him. 

She was waiting for him in the living room, a clean blanket and his Eevee and Snake plushies besides her. “I thought we’d do better in here, since it’s less… charged.” 

Slumping in besides her, Gavin picked idly at a piece of fluff from the snake. 

“Do you want to start?” 

“No.” 

“Alright then.” She laughed, leaning over to ruffle his hair. “Mr Grumpy.” 

Gavin leaned back. She was making him feel strange and tingly and Little, and in that moment all he wanted was to be swept into her arms. But he couldn’t. She would think he was a freak, and he’d lose one of the only people who still cared about him. 

“You can tell me anything, ok? No matter what, I’m here for you.” She was in close, too close, her eyes so earnest. He knew she would help him with anything. 

So Gavin started crying. 

“Gavin? Gav Gav?” 

Gavin shook his head wildly, trying to stand up, to get away from her. It was all too much. She would do anything for him, but what did he have to offer?

“Big cat?” 

“No.” He mumbled. 

“No?” It seemed he had drawn out the small sliver of maternal instincts she still possessed, for her arm wrapped around his. 

“You’re doing so much for me, b-but I’m not, I can’t- I’m not GOOD like you! I’m not giving it back.” 

“Giving What back?”

“You’re so nice and kind and caring, but I’m doing nothing and I don’t deserve it and I care about you but I don’t wanna be ungrateful and push you away!” Tears blurred his vision, turning the dark blue of her jeans into a waterfall. 

“But you’re my friend. You always cheer me up, and even when you’re being an ass to me you never go too far. Despite hounding every rookie and temp you can to get you coffee, you’re always the one to get a cup for me, and you always save a seat for me at lunch, and fucking hell I never even have to ask for cigarettes from you.” As Tina listed everything off, her eyes narrowed. “Is that how you felt with Connor, too, Gavin?” 

Gavin nodded numbly. “I love him so much. He means a lot to me, ok? But… I dunno how to say it in a way he’ll believe me. Hell just think I like what he does for me.” 

She nodded. “Well maybe you shouldn’t express yourself that way.”

“Then how can I-“

“Gifts. Acts of service. That’s how you operate. The whole “chocolates and flowers” shebang, but more personal. And… a letter.”

“A letter?”

“Telling him that you’re sorry, and how you really feel about him.” 

Gavin was skeptical at first, but as Tina guided him through the letter, and helped him brainstorm ideas, it all began to take form. 

So the next day, Gavin found himself on Connor’s doorstep. The letter was tucked neatly in an envelope, sealed with a stamp (Tina had told him that licking was just a little too gross), and a Husky plush (Connor’s favorite type of dog besides Sumo), lavender (Connor had told him the smell reminded him of weekends with Hank spent camping), and a deep, brown carved deer. Connor’s second favorite animal, and the color of his eyes when he smiled. Gavin’s favorite color. 

He crouched down, settling them at the doorstep. He didn’t know if he should leave them there or knock. If he knocked he could be caught, but leaving felt too dangerous. What if they were lost?

As he pondered over it, fussing over the items, he didn’t hear the creak of the door. 

But he did hear the snarled “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” From Hank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *dun dun DUN*


End file.
